wolF emiT has just been published over at Every Day Fiction, should you fancy a read. This is an SF flash story that grew out of a Twitter-length piece originally published by Trapeze.
Some interesting discussion among commentors on the story (oh how I love and hate that!) about whether the opening line gives the whole story away:
It was kissing Magda that made Sam destroy the universe.
The truth is, it does, and I knew it when I wrote it. It was just too darn cool an opening line to cut out. Is that wrong?
Oh, and speaking of Trapeze, I've a little story published over there, too, today. The Second Apocalypse is here.
19 comments:
Once you get a line like that, you have to go with it! I have to read the story now...excuse me...
I like the story and said so!
I also don't think that opening line is a total giveaway. It could just as easily read as Sam intending to destroy the universe, and maybe it doesn't really happen...
I guess if you feel you have to, you could re-write it as, "It was kissing Magda that made Sam want to destroy the universe." Or 'try to,' or 'attempt to,' or anything else that gives the same impact while leaving it a bit open-ended.
But I still think it works well as originally written...
Loved it. Very funny, as a ex-scientist I enjoyed the geek speak too.
Zombie cockroaches - that has GOT to be a first!! Yay! Take care
x
Thanks, Reb. Nothing like a bit of geek speak!
Thanks, Chris. Glad you agree!
Old Kitty - look out for them!
I loved the first line!
I don't think it was a total giveaway either. Besides, I sometimes like those kinds of stories, the ones where you pretty much know WHAT happened but you don't know HOW exactly or WHY. You then read for those things - it becomes a different reading experience.
Oh the power of a kiss. You should sell that line to Kay Jewelers.
Thanks, Madeline. That was my thinking too. Surprise endings can be a bit gimmicky, no?
Micael - LOL. Perhaps I should try that!
First, I love the play on words in the title, and that's a great first line.
Second, I don't really think that it gives everything away. There's still a chance that he didn't. and "universe" can have different, narrower definitions than "absolutely everything".
Thanks, Golden Eagle - glad I stuck to my guns, now!
Everytime I comment over here it seems to be to congratulate you on yet another publication - so Well Done and Congratulations :-)
Thanks Kate - and, yeah, I really should post something more interesting!
Fine work, Simon -- I enjoyed them both!
Thanks, Milo!
I loved this in it's first incarnation, and I loved the longer version.
Perhaps a novelette should be next
Deborah, Thanks - now you've got me thinking.
You should do it.
Read the story the other day. My first reaction was 'what a fabulous first line' but I also thought the commentator who said that a line a paragraph or so down would have been better made an excellent point.
Oh, and I really enjoyed the story.
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